I Will Never Forget You Again – I Hope!
So you know how when you’re having a really hectic morning that starts with waking up at 5:30 only to realize you have no coffee? And so you wait for the Pig to open at 6 a.m. to run get coffee in your pajamas, because functioning without coffee is a non-option. And then you get back to the house to have your kid crying, not because you left him at home alone in the dark for a few minutes to go spontaneously grocery shopping, but because you didn’t get him the box of 24 powdered donuts that he requested via scream from his bedroom as you were headed out the door?
And then your other kid puts up such a fuss about brushing his teeth that you have to literally pay him cold hard cash to practice some iota of personal hygiene and then, not one but BOTH of your kids get stuck in a tree right when carpool pulls up?
And you get a barrage of work emails within a five minute period as soon as you get the kids out of the tree and then you have to call your mom because it’s been two weeks, at least, and at this point you’re bordering on being a bad daughter?
And then you get to your waitress job at Ajax and as some mean lady at a table is looking up at you and telling you that she needs extra tartar sauce with her catfish, you suddenly remember that you left your baby in the car?!!
Well, that happened to me this morning! But it wasn’t a human baby. It was my column baby. For the first time, since I started writing this column, I straight up forgot to write it.
I remembered it while I was taking an order and I’m sure my table thought I experienced a mild stroke or an episode of silent epilepsy. I just stared at them for a second, blankly. The only thing I could think to say after the tartar sauce request was some sort of non-sensical stammering of “…column…herald…crime report….b-b-b-betty!!….”
But because an essential element of any waitress’s job is to fake everything about herself, I managed to pull myself together long enough to get back to the kitchen to check my phone. Sure enough, there was an email from Melody at the Herald wondering where my column was because they were about to go to press! I had to tell her I was at work, had a stressful morning, and had completely forgotten about it. I had basically left my little column in the proverbial backseat.
You might think you could never hot-car something you love, but let me tell ya…it can happen to the most devoted and well meaning people. And I guess it’s appropriate that I’m sitting in my hot car now in the work lot behind the Oxford Square writing my column on my cell phone.
The waitresses all laughed at my panic when I told them my predicament. I’m sure it came off as a fairly nerdy problem to have. I had to ask one of them, who is five months pregnant, if she could cover the rest of my shift so I could run and write my column real quick on my new extended deadline. Yes, a pregnant girl had to take my tables because I apparently can’t handle myself.
I have managed to get this column in on time over the years from across the world in other countries and through different time zones and despite sometimes having no reliable internet connections. I’ve written a couple of columns on airplanes and once took a notebook of Wagner Letters on vacation in Europe. I always remembered and always found a way. But, a random Tuesday morning in Water Valley proved to be too much.
The lesson here is either “Always have coffee stocked at your house” or “Don’t let your kids climb a tree before school” or “Thank a pregnant person.” I’m not sure which one. Possibly all three. Thanks to everyone who reads my column each week. I’ll never forget about you again! I hope.