Its finally July and I have to give a big congratulations to all the parents and siblings who survived little league baseball season. We did it! You can finally socialize again, parents. Remember your friends who used to invite you for happy hour or church socials?
Well, more than likely they’ve forgotten you exist at this point but I’m sure y’all can reconnect on Facebook. And siblings, guess what’s for supper? NOT a giant dill pickle chased with a blue Powerade! You won’t have to sit in your mom’s car in a parking lot in Grenada for five hours waiting for the half-day of thunderstorms to pass over while listening to your mom complain to her car full of kids about how expensive Wendy’s has gotten. Those days are over for a whole year! Way to go, parents and siblings!
Speaking of parents and the cost of food, I’m home in Georgia visiting mine and I have been here for exactly a day and half and here are the things I have eaten for free: barbecue chicken, rice, sliced tomatoes, slaw, collards, two salads, biscuits, homemade strawberry jam, blueberry pancakes, turkey and cheddar omelette, bacon, lasagna, French bread, half of my son’s Scrambled Dog (don’t ask, but definitely look it up!), butter pecan ice cream (twice), more biscuits, bacon, also the last piece of leftover bacon that sat on the paper towel for half an hour after breakfast was over, and a chocolate chip cookie. Sadly, I’m sure there’s some things I’m leaving out.
I felt it was my duty as an American to fully indulge in our country’s great bounty. This is what July Fourth is all about, right? I mean, it was clearly an act of patriotism.
Another act of patriotism will be when I cross the Alabama line later this afternoon and buy a paycheck’s worth of fireworks. If there’s one thing I love almost as much as Mama’s free food, it’s fireworks. My favorites are the small childhood classics such as Artificial Satellites and Roman Candles.
You haven’t lived an American life until you’ve been run-screaming from an Artificial Satellite that is apparently out to personally get you. I feel like my big brother Luke is possibly the truest American of all time since one time in the ‘80s he got one half of his permed mullet burned off during a Roman Candle war at Panama City Beach. That’s a true love of your country. Such sacrifice.
I realize not everyone likes fireworks. My best friend Megan of Panola Street has repeatedly suggested that we change the country’s July Fourth fireworks tradition to a July Fourth balloon tradition (with no popping allowed.) I wish her luck with that campaign. If it comes down to fireworks versus balloons then I know which side I’ll have to take and it will be a sister against sister situation, which would be heartbreaking. Although I would kinda like to see this scenario go down at least once because a Roman Candles versus birthday balloons battle could possible be the most fun thing to have ever happened in the history of the world. More so for the Roman Candle side.
Some people want to blow stuff up, some people are geared more toward smoke bombs, snakes, and Morning Glories. Either way, happy July Fourth to all of you; the Sparklers and the Terror of The Skies Finale Cakes!