Spring May Be Springing, But Poison Ivy And Golf May Do Us In
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Hill Country Living
By Coulter Fussell
The weather has finally turned solidly over to “perfect,” and there doesn’t seem to be a relapse of real cold spells in the forecast. This means a couple of things; the first being that this is the exact few weeks I wage my annual one-woman war with poison ivy.
I’m going to go ahead and tell you who won this year’s war, though. It was not me. It was definitely poison ivy.
You know how it goes….the weather is warm for the first time in months, the flowers are blooming, the grass in the yard shoots up over night, the wisteria is taking over Earth at several feet an hour and Home Depot’s plant section starts looking like an alluring Garden of Eden with propane grills. You go full force into the yard with lawn mowers, weed whackers, blowers and hedge trimmers! Yard shrapnel is flying everywhere! You’re taming the beast!
But that one little leaf.
Anyway, I have poison ivy on my face and I guess for the first time in a year I’m happy to have to wear a mask. The CDC recently told us that we didn’t have to wear masks outside. Well, I feel like that was super obvious but now I’m thinking if I had been wearing a mask outside then I wouldn’t have poison ivy on my face. I’m going to be mad if they lift the mask ordinance before my poison ivy goes away. If you see me fighting to keep the ordinance in place then just know it’s for entirely selfish reasons.
The second thing the change in weather brings is the end of regular baseball season. The WVJHS Blue Devils played their last game a week or so ago and I’m proud of them. But, you know, I feel that little po’dunk schools should only play other little po’dunk schools. And I mean that only in terms of town size! Obviously our children are not po’dunk in mind or spirit. It’s just not fair for small-town kids to play big-town kids because those big-town kids have many more restaurants to choose from and are…quite large.
The end of baseball has brought about, surprisingly, golf.
I didn’t see that coming. Never in my life would I have dreamed I would have had a golf kid. When I was growing up in a much larger city than Water Valley, golf was absolutely not a sport for anyone but the Country Club elite. It was entirely off the radar of most everyone I knew. Every single thing I know about golf I learned from “Happy Gilmore.”
But I’m pleased my kid’s trying a new sport he’s never played before! I’m not so sure the coaches are pleased, but they’re very patient. They were also very forgiving when my kid missed the net entirely at indoor practice and sent a golf ball flying through a closet door into the next room. He left a golf ball-shaped hole in the door. I think it’ might have been my kid’s greatest golf accomplishment thus far: a hole in one…door.
Spring may be springing but poison ivy and golf may do us in.
