Hill Country Living
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Hill Country Living
By Coulter Fussell
Nothing exciting has happened in my world lately save for one day last week when I casually looked out my back door to observe the bird bath but instead saw a Water Valley police officer running full speed through my back yard holding a gun.
It’s not unusual for there to be a certain level of high drama at the bird bath but it typically stays among the feathered set. I was surprised to see an armed cop there. Admittedly, I have wanted to call the law on some bully jay birds numerous times so it occurred to me that maybe this was related.
After a minute, I realized that the police officer was entirely unconcerned with any bird bath happenings and was, instead, looking down into the giant kudzu gully behind my house. As if that gully couldn’t get any creepier, now we have a manhunt! I reckoned that giant kudzu gullies are made for such occasions so I was glad to see mine finally getting the chance to play out its one of very few purposes.
I walked out on the back deck to ask the officer what was going on but once I actually got out there I realized that it wasn’t in anyone’s best interest, most especially mine, to holler from behind an armed officer who is in active, hyper-focused, pursuit-mode. Instead, I decided to pop a cold Diet Coke and watch things play out from inside my kitchen.
It was at this time that I began to regret my recent purchase of a brand-new full-length glass backdoor. As y’all know, it’s difficult to spy while being entirely exposed yourself. I only need my eyeballs exposed when spying, not my whole entire self. My want for information made me brave in the face of danger, though. I stayed right there with my nose pressed to the glass.
After a couple of minutes, it was becoming clear that the kudzu gully is entirely impenetrable and possibly the greatest hiding place in all of Yalobusha County, so the cop ran back to the street, jumped in his vehicle and sped off.
And then it was all over. And there I was. Just me standing behind my giant, glass backdoor looking into the kudzu gully where a murderous felon in a Jason mask was very clearly still hiding. That left me in a weird position. What do I do? Do I call the law and report that there’s an escaped man hiding in my kudzu gully? I felt like that approach may not work.
Needless to say, I survived. So did the murderous escaped felon in a Jason mask who, I read in the paper, actually turned out to have just been a non-masked alleged shoplifter who fell down real hard in Town Creek, maybe passed out for a second and then ran into the kudzu gully behind Wood Street… where I’m guessing he surely encountered a lot of possums because it’s like their Mecca back there.
I truly hope all turns out okay for everyone involved. I don’t wish a pursuit on anyone… the alleged perpetrator or the officers. But if there is one, please, don’t hide from the law in my kudzu gully. Unless, of course, I am home to watch.
