This is the second in a three-part series of “Letters From Prison.” I thought, “These are hardly seasonal; maybe I should share them after Christmas.”
But, then, maybe they are seasonal. Aren’t we celebrating the birth of Jesus who came to redeem the broken, the hurting, and the lost? That covers us all. This is a touching portrait of why He came and how He can change a life.
Note Cassie’s progress as her journey continues.
August 13, 2020
Being in prison is an experience I must go through. For as many days as I have been here already, it still seems that up till now, I have never known real loneliness.
I have realized without a doubt that my poor choices took me further than I had ever cared to go. As for my punishment, I have been placed in prison and am being kept much longer than I ever imagined I’d have to stay. However, most importantly, I have been away from my family for such a long time. So long, and much longer than I realized. It has cost me much more in various ways that I had never expected to pay.
Every time I think about my past and all that has happened, I pray that I will be able to forgive myself completely in order to go on without the inner marks inside of me. Marks that no one ever seems to see. Marks inside of me that I have been carrying around for years.
So even if no one ever notices from my outward appearance, I have been making a deep-down inner change. I have been trying daily for the past year to allow a positive change to take place inside of me. I look forward to a new stage in my life.
December 5, 2020
I have spent an awful lot of time on my bed for the better part of the week. I spend hours watching the sunlight come through the bars that line the white, cement walls of my zone.
First thing in the morning, it makes honey-colored rectangles. By about noon, the wall is striped with bands of light as straight as rulers.
In the afternoon, it looks like rungs of a ladder, and by dinner, it loses most of the sun because it has moved over the roof into the shadows.
This may sound boring to you, but it’s not. It’s beautiful! I don’t have to do anything to make it change either. It has a routine it does daily all by itself.
From the time I wake up to the time I go to bed, it constantly changes whether I like it or not. It doesn’t speed up, and it doesn’t slow down.
Paying attention to it, I realized – it’s my life – I can’t control it. Watching it, I have become patient.