My Human Is Pumpkin Crazy
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By Sweetie
Herald K-9 Correspondent
Every fall, my human begins decorating the house with pumpkins.
Most of them are ordinary enough. Round, orange, reasonably smooth. I may not personally see the need for vegetables as seasonal accessories, but I can at least understand the general idea.
This year, however, she brought home a pumpkin that appears to have a serious medical condition.
It is yellow with orange stripes and covered in bumps from top to bottom. Not one or two little ones, either. I am talking about a full-scale outbreak. There is a perfectly normal pumpkin nearby, which only makes the situation more alarming.
And then there’s something that is green. I don’t even know where to begin with that thing. It’s shaped like a bowling pin that has gone terribly wrong, and covered in green stripes. And so far there has been absolutely no explanation as to why it’s in my house.
Naturally, I assumed these unfortunate objects had been rescued out of pity. I was wrong. My human selected them on purpose, brought it into our home and set it out like it was something to be admired.
I have been to the vet often enough to know how these things usually work. One small bump and my human notices immediately. She checks my ears, keeps up with my brushing and monitors every little change.
So imagine my confusion when this same woman, who would be deeply concerned over the smallest irregularity on me, went shopping and paid good money for a pumpkin that looks like it ought to be quarantined.
But worst of all, my human expects me to pose for a photograph beside this unfortunate specimen. Apparently, having a pumpkin that looks like it needs medical attention isn’t enough. She wants photographic evidence that I was somehow involved.
I have a reputation to maintain. I spend my days supervising this household, monitoring suspicious activity and keeping an eye on Snack Dad. I do not have time to sit beside odd-looking vegetables while my human tells me how cute we look together.
Of course, there will probably be a treat involved, and I am not foolish enough to turn down perfectly good food over a matter of principle. But I want it clearly understood that I am essential household management, not part of the autumn display, and I had absolutely nothing to do with selecting that pumpkin.
I suppose I will cooperate with the photograph. My human seems determined to have it, and there is no point in arguing with someone who thinks a pumpkin covered in warts is a decorating triumph.
And then, just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse, I discovered Snack Dad in the front yard setting up Count Barkula.
You may remember that ridiculous Halloween dog my human insisted on putting in the yard last year. She actually claimed it looked just like me. Like me!!!
I thought I had made my feelings about him perfectly clear. Apparently, my objections were ignored.
So now I have a pumpkin with a serious skin condition in the house and Count Barkula making his annual appearance in the yard.
I am beginning to think my human should not be allowed to decorate without adult supervision. And, I seem to be the only adult in the house.
