The Evidence Against Squirrels Is Growing
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By Sweetie
Herald K-9 Correspondent
I do not like to say I told you so.
That is not entirely true. I do enjoy saying it when the situation calls for it, and in this case, I believe the situation has absolutely called for it.
For years, I have been warning my human, my street, and frankly anyone within earshot about squirrels, and I have been met with very little appreciation for my public service. I have barked. I have watched from windows. I have conducted regular patrols of the yard. I have stood on the porch with my ears up and my expression serious. I have made it very clear that squirrels are not the harmless little tree decorations people seem to think they are.
And now look.
Not long ago, a squirrel caused a widespread power outage.
I will pause here so everyone can fully absorb the weight of that sentence.
A squirrel, with nothing but poor judgment, tiny feet, and far too much confidence, interfered with the electricity. This is not surprising to me. I have long suspected that squirrels were working beyond their qualifications.
People see a squirrel running along a fence and say things like, “Oh, how cute,” which is exactly how these things get out of hand.
I see a squirrel running along a fence and think, “There goes a problem with a tail.”
They leap from tree to tree. They dig where no one asked them to dig. They chatter like they are holding meetings. They stare into windows. They cross streets at the worst possible moment and then act offended when everyone else reacts.
This is not normal behavior. This is organized nonsense.
I have tried to report this before, but my concerns are often dismissed as “barking.” That is unfair. Barking is one of the few tools available to me as a citizen and household official. I do not have a clipboard. I do not have a smartphone. I do not have access to city forms. So yes, I bark.
That does not mean I am wrong.
When I bark at the window, I am not “being silly.” I am issuing an alert. When I stand at the door and refuse to move, I am not being dramatic. I am maintaining visual contact with a known outdoor threat. When I suddenly sit straight up from a nap, it is because I have heard something. Possibly a truck. Possibly a leaf. Possibly a squirrel with electrical ambitions.
One must remain prepared. And should another squirrel approach the yard, the porch, the window, the fence, or any other place where it clearly does not belong, I will respond accordingly.
With vigilance. With dignity. And, yes, with barking.
