Sweetie Salutes The Fourth
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By Sweetie
Herald K-9 Correspondent
I would like to begin by saying that I am a patriotic dog.
I support America. I support the flag. I support porches, lawn chairs, gatherings, and any holiday where people carry plates of food through the yard with questionable balance.
I am in favor of hamburgers, hot dogs, potato salad, dropped chips, watermelon, and anyone who says, “Oh, just one little bite won’t hurt her.”
Those are my people.
I am also aware that many pets are frightened by fireworks. I respect their feelings. I do not share them.
Unlike some members of the animal kingdom, I am not easily rattled by noise. Thunder may roll. Fireworks may boom. Cannons may fire during the 1812 Overture. I may, if properly situated on a cool floor, continue my nap without opening both eyes.
Some dogs hear fireworks and believe the world is ending. I hear fireworks and assume humans are outside making questionable decisions again. That is hardly breaking news.
Humans do many things I do not fully understand. They vacuum. They bathe willingly. They leave the house when all the good chairs are inside. They pay money to make the sky explode and then stand around admiring it as if weather has not been doing that for free since the beginning of time.
Still, I try not to judge openly.
The Fourth of July has many fine qualities. There are cookouts. There are paper plates, and paper plates are among the most promising inventions humans have ever produced. There are people who get distracted while talking and lower a hand just enough for a polite dog to investigate whether it contains anything useful.
I consider this a holiday of opportunity.
Of course, my human still feels the need to check on me when the fireworks start.
“Sweetie, are you okay?”
I lift one eyebrow.
I am on my bed. The air conditioning is running. No one has asked me to go outside. I have already inspected the kitchen and confirmed that grilled meat has occurred. Under the circumstances, I am managing.
She seems to expect me to be concerned because the sky is making noise.
The sky often makes noise. Squirrels make noise. Delivery trucks make noise. The refrigerator makes noise. The real question is whether any of these noises are followed by a snack.
That is where humans should focus their attention.
However, while I personally do not find fireworks troubling, I understand that not every dog possesses my steady nerves and excellent judgment. Some dogs are worriers. Some cats are delicate by profession. Some animals hear one boom and immediately begin reconsidering their life choices.
So on behalf of my more sensitive friends, I would like to offer a few suggestions to their humans.
Please keep pets inside if fireworks bother them. Make sure their collars and tags are secure, even if they are usually sensible. A frightened pet may not behave like herself. Turn on the television, a fan, or some music to soften the noise. Give them a quiet place to hide if they need one.
I do not wish to interfere with anyone’s celebration. I hope everyone enjoys the Fourth of July. Wave the flag. Visit with your neighbors. Eat something grilled. Watch the fireworks.
As for me, I will be inside, conducting patriotic duties from a secure location. Not because I am afraid. Because that is where the air conditioning is.
And if anyone needs me, I will be available after the finale, assuming there is still a hot dog in need of supervision.
