Letters From Prison: Turning It Over To Our Lord
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Betty Crenshaw
This is the last in a series of three letters from prison. Cassie’s humility, honesty and growth are all remarkable. The series shared an outlook that turned from despair to hope that stems from faith in God.
July 4, 2021
Dear Betty,
You know, they say a person could be in a physical prison, or an emotional one, like depression or addiction. Going to prison, late in life, kinda demonstrates that I had been in an emotional bondage for years – for quite some time, due to unemployment, pride and addiction. And, it wasn’t until I came to prison that I cried out to God to please help me because I had exhausted everything else I could think of to change myself. I have finally gotten real with my life. I told Him:
I realize I’m not doing such a hot job of running my own life. Look where I ended up! Please help me, and if You can do anything to improve myself and my life, I will never stop obeying You for the rest of my life.
I do believe my prayers have been answered. My full surrender to the justice system has also required that I submit myself to their way of doing things and their rules. I was not always willing or compliant to their demands. I did not have a good attitude and I had little respect for authority.
However, once I began to understand God’s word, I knew I should respect all persons of authority because God has placed them there for a reason and once I began to comply, my days got easier. Today I am more concerned about what God sees and I have become less concerned about being accepted by others.
The only road that affects my existence is based on the choices that I make from now on. I’ve learned that landmarks along life’s way and milestones are different for everybody. The only destination from the moment we are born that is the same for all is that we will eventually die. So, I need to reexamine the road map of life to see if where I’m headed is where I really want to go. My focus cannot be spent on my past—other than what I’ve learned, or my future will not change.
Problems along the way are never really the challenge, it’s how I deal with things that matter. This will keep me focused on what belongs in my journey for eternity.
Love always, Cassie
October 30, 2021
Dear Betty,
I can’t believe how fast the week days go by, because of work. So far, I really enjoy what I’m doing it’s fun and I’m good at it.
Since I’ve been here, I’ve had a chance to examine the type of jobs I’ve held. Always fast paced, and chaotic but they made me look good, or so I thought. So, when I honestly looked at what a job really is—I see what it is not:
It’s not something to take home at night.
It’s not something to talk about all the time and build myself up from.
It’s not something to make a life out of.
Nor is it somewhere to run away to.
Today I understand that a good, steady job is meant as a way to pay my bills, eat, afford a few luxuries, help others, and provide a sense of usefulness according to God’s will. Moreover, I’ve begun to relearn how to live with myself and be content in my job with all areas of my life taken into consideration.
Today, I’m trying to find out what I’m really like, not pretend who I’d like to be. I find myself happier today, with myself and other people when I’m no longer trying to be in competition with others. I don’t have to be the best, but I can succeed. I don’t have to love what I do, but I can enjoy what I do. I’ve built up confidence in myself to a point where I’ve learned how to do a dull job well and am very content in doing so.
One might say I have a new found dignity; I’m no longer feeling the need to maintain a certain face. I also enjoy my free time – relaxing or finding joy in some otherwise “boring” activity. LOL
I’m turning into a quiet, pleasant woman whose interests are no longer being the center of attention. I’m trying to be a whole person, the one I was created to be – and to be of service to others. All in all, I like myself much better today and I pray others will too.
If I could only just go home and spend time with my family and one or two close friends and play with some cats after work. I think I’d be the happiest girl on the planet.
Love always,
Cassie
January 7, 2022
Happy New Year Betty,
I’m blessed and have been taking this opportunity to assess my life, place my failures behind me, and look forward to becoming a better person. I’ve been changing my attitude about the way I think about things, people and what’s important in life.
I’ve learned some valuable lessons from my past which I can still benefit from. Sometimes the experience gained from different circumstances and situations was needed in order to motivate and make for positive changes. I’m wiser in my decisions than the negative ones I once made.
I’m leading a much more positive, and healthy lifestyle today and only plan to spend my time with the ones I love and those who care about me.
Love, Cassie
P.S. Life is made up of mistakes which are useful because they lead to success.
Dear Cassie,
It is my prayer and hope that you will soon return to those who love you and those you love.
Love and prayers,
Betty
